Taste of My Own Medicine
Last week, I had to take a dose of my own medicine.
What might be the best way to deal with potential conflict at the Annual General Meeting of our owners corporation?
There is one member who is (ahem) challenging. Best as we might try to ignore him, we can’t. He owns four apartments in the block. A slight man, he throws his metaphorical weight around with impunity.
We’re not even collaborating – just making a few operational decisions. We have to agree, but not unanimously. It’s befuddling.
How can the other eight, independent, free-thinking adults around the table let this happen? Especially me, an expert at facilitating collaboration. I also mentor and coach others how to do it. I'm afraid I leave my ‘collaborability’ at the door of the AGM every year.
I’m guilty of the classic contradiction of the panel beater with the dented car, the solicitor without a will, the doctor who smokes or the builder whose house remains a renovator’s delight.
💊 Could I take a little of my own medicine?
💊 We’ve tried calling out his behaviour as I regularly advise individuals and groups I work with. In the past, that’s attracted vitriol or a letter from his solicitors. Yes, really.
Four of us walked to the meeting together – safety in numbers, summoning our collective strength, (cue Little Green Bag from opening scene of Reservoir Dogs).
We even have a referee, of sorts. Our amiable, long-suffering managing agent. Our goal is for her to stay for another year. That’s the sign of a successful AGM in our books.
💊 So there’s a shared purpose – just not shared by one, and he’s a big one. We can’t control what the bully does, but we can manage our collective response so that friction is kept to a minimum and there are no arguments.
💊 How about trying to see things from his point of view? After all, I’m exploring observation and how street photography can help us practice the subtle skills of facilitation. Straightforward, right?
“We’ve tried that! It backfired!”
💊 So why not re-frame the response, as I so often suggest to groups. Like:
What if we tried it again?
How can we do it differently?
What did we learn?
No deal. My neighbours have given up.
💊 Last attempt. How about making the time to agree how we will work together at the meeting?
Who’d do that – me? I’ve got a stake in this meeting and the bully would declare a conflict of interest. The clock is ticking for our managing agent, and I’m not so sure we’d be happy with a bill for a three-hour meeting!
💊 In the absence of an external facilitator, what’s left?
Breathe
Keep calm or defer to the one who can (there are two on our owners committee who are reliably unflappable).
Dig deep, find the courage and speak the truth - knowing that I will be speaking what others are thinking.
Stay open and transparent, even if others are not.
Be clear – don’t hint.
As it turns out, all that worry was for nought. He was as meek as a mouse. I suspect it was something to do with the calm approach of our ‘referee’. Still, we sceptically await his usual post meeting letter, with a long list of questions and complaints.
What’s your experience? Do you collaborate well at work, yet struggle with your own AGMs, school councils, sporting committees and community groups? Love to know how you rate your own your #collaborability in similar circumstances to my AGM. Please comment below.
