Facilitation tips from the Gili Islands

On our quest for gold with groups, it can feel counterintuitive to step back, and let them find their own way.

The stakes are high. Why else would a group take time out of their day to talk strategy, solutions or get creative? (Check out how much it costs to get your next group together at the end of this blog).

It’s tempting to step in and try to exert a little more control over things.

A sure sign this is happening is when the facilitator starts asking closed questions, that can only be answered ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Or when they ask those ‘Dorothy Dixer’ questions* of experts or clients in the room, who then trot out their prepared answer.

I know how tempting this is, especially in the face of pressure from deadlines, our manager and our clients. I’ve done it and I know how much better it feels when I do the exact opposite. And how much more valuable I am to groups.

I’m at my best when I’m like a guide with groups. When I show the way, rather than direct like a traffic cop. As a guide, I want to open up pathways for groups to explore safely and with curiosity.

Like Daniel, my kayak guide did with me on our recent holiday to Gili Trawangan, Indonesia.

I love kayaking but hadn’t paddled in the ocean for a couple of years. It was out of my reach during Melbourne’s many lockdowns.

My kayaking skills were so rusty they were almost corroded.

Daniel gave me confidence to do it on my own across a very choppy sea, with a strong current and winds.

He put me in the kayak, gave me a gentle push, and I was off. He was just behind me, in a double kayak with my partner, Tim, who is not fan of kayaking or early mornings. Did I mention this was a sunrise kayak 🌞.

But Tim wanted to cross the 3 kilometres of water with me to visit the next island, Gili Meno. Daniel came up with the perfect solution.

Daniel reminded me that facilitators empower the ones who want to run a bit free – we just need to check in with them every now and then. At the same time, they bring the ones along who don’t necessarily have the same knowledge or skills.

He gave us the tools we needed to suit our skills, knowledge, interests and needs.

Daniel enabled us to be part of the same experience – we went to the same island, together, but we just had a different experience getting there.

Sometimes, when you run ahead, it can be a bit scary. There’s no way I would have done the return journey on my own. The wind had picked up and the waves were bigger.

This time, I followed Daniel. He had to work pretty hard to get him and Tim through the water, but turned around to check on me every now and then, shouting encouragement.

A wave swamped Tim. It felt a little scary..

When we pulled up on the sand on Gili T, I felt exhilarated and empowered. I floated for the rest of the day.

What a great model Daniel was for when I’m facilitating at my best. As a guide.

A facilitator’s job is to help a group do their best thinking to achieve their purpose. The group has the expertise. Our job is to let them do their best thinking and unearth their own gold.

Just as there was more than one way to get to the island, there are many sides to facilitation. Facilitators can also be umpires, crowd pleasers and dictators. I’ll talk a little bit more about this over the next few blogs.

I’d love to hear about your experience. Have you ever had someone like Daniel who’s effortlessly guided you? Comment below or drop me a line at jacinta@jacintacubis.com.

*Dorothy Dixers are the questions that the back benchers ask their own Ministers in parliament, giving them the chance to extoll the virtues of government policies and take up precious Question Time. Coined after the real Dorothy Dix, an American advice columnist who was, I read, both author and respondent, with no true correspondents. Here’s the link.

P.S. See how much it will cost you to get your next group together with this Meeting Cost Calculator from Harvard Business Review. Don’t forget to add the costs of the facilitator 😊. I’d love to hear what your participants’ time costs - let me know Jacinta@jacintacubis.com