How Audrey Hepburn can help you facilitate
Next time you stand up to facilitate a group, picture Audrey Hepburn.
It’s not because I want you to picture yourself in Paris, window shopping at Tiffany’s or scooting around on a vespa.
Or to frock up in a timeless little black dress. That’s hardly practical for facilitating.
It’s because she said:
‘We all want to be loved, don't we? Everyone looks for a way of finding love.
It's a constant search for affection in every walk of life.’
Facilitators just want to be loved to. Or at the very least, liked.
One of the measures of the success of a workshop is if the expected outcomes have been achieved. It could be a decision, a set of recommendations or a list of constructive ideas.
But deep down, I reckon the measure that facilitators take to heart is what workshop contributors say about their experience 💛
What you think they might be saying during the workshop matters too. More on that later.
Let’s set the scene first.
A room that you facilitate is as unpredictable as any street that Audrey negotiated on a vespa. And you are probably more alert than she was.
Here’s a few reminders: You have to:
🔹 Create and ‘hold’ the space
🔹 Listen to different voices
🔹 Grasp the tone and content of what they’re saying
🔹 Scan for what is unsaid
🔹 Watch for reactions in the rest of the group
🔹 Shift focus to create opportunities for quieter people
🔹 Stay tuned in to energy levels
🔹 Keep an eye on the time
Phew 😵
Then there’s the chatter in your head, throwing questions at you like:
What’s going on in this group?
What’s happening in the corner?
What am I missing?
What does that tilt of the head mean?
What’s behind the crossed arms, those raised eyebrows or that smile?
Do they trust me?
And secretly…..do they like me?
If you spiral to that last one, it’s tempting to try to please the group, rather than serve them.
You might shift to being a crowd pleaser, rather than a guide.
If you try to please the crowd as a facilitator, you’re unlikely to win their hearts. You will lose them. I know I have.
When I first began facilitating, I was as nervous as a kid in a school play. I so wanted the applause that I think I chased it. People laughed or smiled. Some enjoyed themselves. But the structure disappeared along with any respect they may have had for me. Not much work got done.
You know you’re at your best as a facilitator when you’re like a guide. But I reckon we can flip to crowd pleaser pretty easily. It depends on so many factors – let’s just start with the group.
Are they willing workshop participants, or were they ‘obliged’ to come? Did they have much time to prepare? Was lengthy, dense content sprung on them at the session? Do they even know each other?
And what are their expectations of you and each other?
So, what’s the difference? How do you know if you’re facilitating like a guide or a crowd pleaser?
Here’s a couple of characteristics I’ve spotted in myself and others.
I wonder, if you feel like you want to please the crowd, do you catch yourself?
And as Vy Nguyen, a fellow facilitator, asked herself last week:
‘How might I incorporate playfulness and fun without falling in the extreme of becoming a Crowd Pleaser?’
What a great question. Perhaps the answer will depend on the group, the topic and how confident you’re feeling. It’s a great question to explore at my Flawsome Facilitator workshops.
I bet Audrey is not the only one who said that we all want to be loved. But she’s easy to remember next time we’re tempted to be a crowd pleaser with a group.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to be a crowd pleaser. Maybe you need to be sometimes. I think picturing Audrey might just help us be a little more conscious about why we might want to please the crowd.
I’d love to know if any of the characteristics above resonate with you. And what else do you think a crowd pleaser might say? I’d love to hear. Reply to this email or drop me a line at jacinta@jacintacubis.com
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