When a facilitator becomes a dictator
I thought that might get your attention. Stay with me……
Have you ever felt constrained by a facilitator?
I have. Most recently, at a day for, and run by, facilitators. Spot the irony.
I’ve helped organise this event in the past. I know that session hosts are briefed to be engaging and interactive.
This ‘host’— it’s an overstatement to call him a facilitator—was anything but.
He put us into small groups with the promise that we would ‘talk’ and ‘interact’.
But we weren’t given much of a chance.
He mostly talked at us.
I tuned out from the content but learned a lot from the experience. Stuff like:
When you ask a question, don’t answer it yourself. That might work for politicians (former Australian PM Kevin Rudd was an exponent) but not facilitators. Brandon Klein says it beautifully in his classic book, Facilitating Collaborations, ‘a good facilitator should be the last person in the room to see the answer.’
Don’t tell us what you think if you want to hear what we think. Give us a chance to ponder and explore, on our own and then with each other. You can invite us to jot something down on our own. Maybe share it with someone. Make it anonymous and put it in a hat to share with the whole group. There are lots of ways to help people feel safe to express themselves.
Don’t talk more than the people in your workshop. If we wanted a lecture, we’d go to one. If you’re not sure, ask your co-facilitator, your notetaker or an assistant to monitor how much airtime you take, compared to the group. Or watch the recording if it’s online.
Be authoritative, not authoritarian. As a facilitator, you have power. You serve the group and this same group looks to you for structure and direction. They expect, and need, your ‘generous authority’ as Priya Parker terms it. My host was just plain ‘authoritarian’. His approach showed me how easy it can be to shift from ‘authority’ to ‘authoritarian’.
These are some of the signs of a facilitator as dictator.
I’m exaggerating for effect.
I’ve talked about the crowd pleaser and the umpire. The ‘dictator’ is the least attractive side of the flawsome facilitator. It’s a strong word. It’s deliberately memorable. Because I’d like to be aware of what might happen if my authority veers towards authoritarianism. I thought you might like to be aware too.
I’ve seen a few dictators. One CEO comes to mind. ‘I won’t have any white anting in this workshop!’ He didn’t hear a peep from us. Not a word of dissent. Nor of support. We kept fearfully quiet.
If you try to control a group, you will lose them.
I know I have.
Is it just me or have you too ‘facilitated’ a conversation that the client or your boss wanted, not what the group actually needed? Where your ‘contributors’ morphed into disengaged lackeys or ‘yes people’, just agreeing to get out of there as fast as possible. If they disagreed, they probably didn’t feel safe to say so.
It’s understandable. You want to deliver. You want to impress. You want to be given the opportunity to facilitate again. You want to be asked back.
It’s more likely to backfire than succeed. The information gathered from workshops has been tokenistic and useless when I’ve facilitated more like a dictator rather than a guide.
But what if this level of control might be needed? Like when Bob kept talking over his fellow workshop contributors. Hints and diplomatic suggestions weren’t working. It felt like he would only listen to a ‘bossy boots’ and I told him to zip it. The rest of the group sighed with relief.
Or like my fellow facilitator, Iva Taiber, said: ‘It depends on the dynamic of the group. Some people might need, or even ask for, a more directive approach.’
I asked Iva and some other facilitators in the Never Done Before community what words might come out of the mouth of a dictator facilitator.
‘I ran a great session but people were just not interested.’
‘It’s easier if I just do it all myself’
‘Get it done’
‘You must…’
‘I want….’
‘This is how it’s going to be done’
‘They use a red pen!’ (I think that was a joke.)
You know you’re at your best as a facilitator when you’re like a guide. But I reckon we can flip to dictator pretty easily. It depends on so many factors – let’s just start with the group.
What ground work was done before the session? What does your client, or manager, want or expect? Are people obliged to come? Did they have any say in the workshop design? Is everyone aware what might be at stake with the workshop? And what are their expectations of you and each other?
So, what’s the difference? How do you know if you’re facilitating like a guide or a dictator?
Here’s a couple of signs I’ve spotted in myself and others.
Have you ever acted like this? Said stuff like this? Thought it? Can you catch yourself if you do?
A helpful reflection question to ask yourself could be, ‘How might I maintain direction and keep the group on track, without falling into the extreme of being a Dictator?’
The answer will depend on the group, the topic and how confident you’re feeling. It’s a great question to explore at my Flawsome Facilitator workshops.
Dictator is an exaggeration. It’s memorable. It might just help us be more conscious about why we might want to exert tight control over a group.
I’d love to know if any of the characteristics above resonate with you. And what else do you think a dictator pleaser might say? I’d love to hear. Reply to this email or drop me a line at jacinta@jacintacubis.com
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