Just Two Steps to the Right
Rituals are important at this time of year.
What we do on Christmas Eve, where we go on the day, what’s on the menu and who in my extended family will don the silly Santa hat, on a 40° day, to hand out presents.
Some behavioural rituals at Christmas can be unhelpful. We can mindlessly play the same roles every year, and expect others to play theirs. A simple shift in perspective can shift what we notice about people that we think we know as these rituals unfold.
Over the past 20 years, we’ve developed rituals for our stay at a little house in the bush, and near the beach.
As we open up the house, we put the same chairs out in the same place on the balcony.
Right on cue, the Rainbow Lorikeets and King Parrots fly in, taking their place on wires and rails, waiting for us to put out some fresh seeds.
As the sun set, I snapped these two photos. One shows them as you probably expect to see them. Colourful and cute on a wire.
I took just two steps to the right and snapped a second one. Two steps completely changed the light, the angle, the perspective and the meaning of the image.
It made me wonder how might such a simple shift in perspective help change what we notice about the behaviour of people that we think we know, especially at this time of year.
What new thing could we notice about the martyr who seethes in the kitchen, refusing all offers of help. Of the one who baits with political statements to start a fight. Of the nagger who’s keeping count of how many champagne bottles are piling up. Then there’s the one who disappears for a nap just when it’s time to clean up. And of course, that cantankerous relative sitting in the corner with a black cloud over their head – again.
While behaviour may not change, we can change what we notice. It could be as easy two metaphorical steps to the right, like with the birds, to see things from another angle.
Professor Ellen Langer has been called the ‘mother of mindfulness’ and she has some helpful advice on the positive impact that comes from noticing. After 40 years of research, she is convinced that ‘…noticing new things about things that you think you know brings you into the present, makes you sensitive to context and perspective.”
I reckon it’s the same with people you think you know. As Langer explains, there's a whole lot of history behind how we see people: ‘….the past is over-determining the present. We're oblivious to how behaviour changes based on perspective or context.”
My two pictures of the same pair of Lorikeets might help me notice different things about people over Christmas.
I’ll take a metaphorical two steps to the right to get a different perspective and see what new things I can notice.
Wishing you all the best for a safe, happy and mindful Christmas and a fabulous start to the new year.
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